Alone
by Kanako Himezaki-Urashima
Summary: Do you know what it's like to live your life knowing only hatred, loneliness and scorn? I do. All too well.


**Disclaimer**: Nya! So there!

_Alone_

Do you know what it's like to be alone? To live your life knowing only rejection, hatred and suffering? To live every day in a miserable shell? To find no peace, not even when you close your eyes at night to sleep? To find that the only comfort you have is what you fear and deny the most? To find that your only comfort is the very darkness of your heart?

I do.

All too well.

Have you ever been hated, spat at and insulted by everyone who you approach before they even know your name? Man hates what man cannot understand and I am what cannot be understood. No one can truly, with complete certainty, say that they understand me. Sometimes I think that the only thing in this world that knows what life's like to be me is my own shadow and the darkness from which it spawns.

I find myself secure in this…alone in the darkness. Here, I admit I find no peace, no solace and no sanctuary from the horrors of the world. No protection from its scorn, its prejudices, it's cold, hard hands of judgment. But here, in the cover of darkness…with nothing and no one to see me without the mask that society has forced me to wear, I can be myself.

I am always alone. Alone in my room, staring at the stars and wondering what things of beauty they are. Alone amongst my fellow residents in the hot spring. Alone in the middle of the crowd of hopeful applicants for _ Todai_. Alone even in his arms, those arms I have long adored, those arms that I have long craved to lose myself in. His embrace…yes, I once lived for the promise of that embrace.

I am hated.

I have always been hated. My parents hated me, my surrogate family hates me and my fellow residents hate me. Most painful of all though is that…he hates me. What else can I do but to return that hate when hate is all I have ever known? Seek acceptance, to be one with the crowd? To force a mask upon myself, allow society to dictate what I can and can not do, say or think?

No.

To do so is to betray myself.

I smile, congratulate them but inside, they are fools not to see the truth. My heart is broken, shattered like glass, never more to beat with love for myself or for anyone. I have lost my purpose, I have lost my light. There is nothing left but to feel the cold steel cut through me, to lie still, on my knees as everything begins to ebb away. Do not deny me this final pleasure, to let the darkness cover me once last time…

The coward's way out, I admit that. Still, true bravery isn't charging blindly into a battle that you know you have not even a glimmer of a chance at winning. True bravery is to accept your defeat, to know when to put your tail between your legs and run. Sometimes, it also means that one must know when to strike after falling. Now, on their wedding night, let me sleep…and never more awaken.

This is my wedding gift to you,_ onii-san_, Naru-_san_…

_Komm seusser todd_…

**……….**

By morning, everyone in Hinata Sou had found her body. It was on its knees, the arms drooping at the sides, the pool of blood forming at the bottom, the black dress stained heavily with that crimson liquid. On the wall, written, unmistakably in her blood, were the words 'this is my wedding gift to the two of you' in kanji characters. They could do nothing but stare for her expression, her faint death smile…

She knew, in the end, she had won.

"Kanako…" Keitaro fell to his knees. "What have I done…"

"There was nothing you could do…" Naru tried to comfort him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "She…"

"I abandoned her; I didn't even show any sign that I even noticed her from the moment I returned." Keitaro clenched his fist, looking at the blood. "I drove her to this. I drove her to this with my stupid insistence on keeping a promise with a girl that I should have forgotten long ago!"

"Keitaro…"

"Never…" Keitaro moved forward, clutching his dead sister's body in his arms. "I'm sorry…"

**_~FIN~_**

**Kanako: ** Honestly, this whole thing feels to me like one big author's note. I swear, I thought of this once.


End file.
